Rearview mirror

7 months and a puppy later. This thing called retirement is pretty freeing...that is it if you surrender to the quiet. Learning to be still is no small task. All of my life I have had a noisy and active mind. Now I wish to Be Still. This starts with learning to surround myself with loving people. Not as easy as it sounds. So many broken and lost people..especially family. I have been wearing blinders too long about those in my life who are unable for a myriad of reasons to be loving. I spent so much time trying to please them and fix their problems. But I have come to believe and accept that my shoring them up has trapped them as much as it has trapped me. So it is time, no more rationalizations,  I am becoming a minimalist about my stuff, expectations and relations. I know I must let go. Let go of being the one who always comes to the rescue. I was never really equipped to do this then or now. Not sure everyone will understand. We are such creatures of habit with a deep underlying fear. Fear of change, being alone and wanting to control the uncontrollable. That said I have to go.... I am taking the leap into an unknown journey. Not sure where it will lead but I am not longer looking in my rearview mirror....because that is not where I am going.

Taking the leap

Today is my last day on the bench. After 32.5 years I will officially be retiring on Feb 15, 2018, but today is my last physical day on the bench. And I will be doing this quietly. This has not been easy. Well meaning friends wanted lots of hoopla. I declined. I have chosen to tiptoe away into the next season of my life. I have said my goodbyes to close colleagues and staff and I am so grateful to have been able to serve these many years for the amazing people of San Diego County. I have taken this downsizing into my personal life too. My footprint (my stuff) has been downsized. To the point that I can see what I really need. So lots of quiet sighs as I head into 2018. For now I have no plans other than decompressing. And learning the art of Being Still. I am off of Facebook...I will only be posting here. If you are reading this I welcome you into my journey.

Tiptoeing into retirement

SOUL MENDING

Okay no more apologies...yes its been awhile...which is why I am taking inventory...no more excuses. (I wonder how many times one says that before the work begins). I realized in reading my old posts I have been well aware of the need to downgrade my life's distractions. And in the ensuing years I have discovered that a minimalist approach is not only necessary but freeing. A blogger named Joshua Becker with a God centered approach got me started and...Lisa Avellan of No Side Bar (somewhat appropriate considering my career) really brought the message home. I am calling this my soul mending. I retire in 31 days so there is no time like the present..in recapping Lisa A. in her take on What to do when you don't fee like yourself anymore..to reclaim the "girl" inside me I am finding areas in my life to simplify...first eliminating clutter (and not replacing it), real life budgeting of my time, lifestyle choices, relationships and $$, recognizing in truth that always being busy is really an excuse to avoid self examination and positive change...busy results in anxious. Eliminating the physical and mind barriers will lead to time for a quiet introspection on what is in my heart ..time to slow down and see what passions, what joy making has been buried for far too long. What were my dreams before I got bogged down by self doubt, the sad in life, and nay sayers. Once I begin to see the possibilities I know I will begin to take baby steps to again find who I am now in this season of life. This will take time...that's okay...no more rushing..deep breaths, now exhale.

Amazing Grace...I am home

I am so blessed. After 11 days traveling through Jordan, the West Bank and Israel I am home safe and healthy. The experience has me reexamining my choices and what I will be doing with the rest of my life. Seeing the Middle Eastern conflict up close and personal has me stopping in my tracks. Couple that with the renactment of Christ's walk through these countries ending at
His crucifixation and resurrection. There are no words that I can type to begin to cover the revelations I felt.  So keep me in your prayers as I begin the task of putting my thoughts to paper in the weeks to come..Shalom Lisa

Here and back again....

Good morning family and friends:

It is 2:25 am and I am up and moving on Israeli time. Got in last night at LAX at 4:35 pm....I am posting a quick "I am back safe" missive for now. In a short and inadequate summary it was life changing and it will take me weeks probably months to absorb all that I have seen and felt. We had a whirlwind of a schedule that covered every view of Israel throught the eyes of its varied and amazing inhabitants. My appreciation for the Middle East question is unresolved but evolving as a result of many conversations with both Jews and Palestinians. To have walked the roads, through the cities and countryside of Christ was humbling. I will be making more posts in hopefully a more chronological fashion in the weeks to come.....till then Shalom Lisa

Welcome back. Some great news some of you know (if not you will now) how I am working hard at learning and enjoying a living with less. In fact I have linked a number of you to my connection to this lifestyle called Becoming a Minimalist. Well it is too amazing, I read that Joshua Becker, the lead writer and founder for the site,had finished a new book, "Living with Less an Unexpected Key to Happiness", set to be released on August 15. He invited his audience to submit a request to be chosen as one of his reviewers in advance of the release and post our thoughts. Well I got chosen. As soon as I am done I will posting my impressions this week and if this latest work it is anything like Joshua's other accomplishments, I will not hesitate recommending it to you all.

I can actually say that his approach to simplifying my possessions, living intentionally when coupled with my spiritual rebirth has been my salvation. Signing off for now. One last thing I am using this simplify approach in the planning, (pre)packing, and research reading for Israel. What could feel like an overwhelming chore is so much darn fun. Later I have some reading to do.....Lisa

It's Already August ARRRRGH

Okay....65 days till the trip to Israel. I have been reading many historical accountings on the middle eastern questions of the day and attending seminars. I am not ready to become a representative of the State Dept. but it is getting close. On the fun note I have been kicking around ideas on how to spend my free time when I am there. You know see places off the tourist script but at the same time not too far off the path. There is so much amazing history and the study of humanity's roots. I also want my journey to the journey to be memorable and not helter skelter. I was reading a wonderful piece by Charles Hummel, Tyranny of the Urgent. What a compelling insight into our need to be busy always busy. Not to embrace the take it slow and  live in the moment. Once I began to embrace a life this last year, namely approaching true minimalism on the economic side, I have also come to appreciate a spiritual minimalism. Learning that God is enough and I need to live in the moment in His creation. This trip is another opportunity to do just that. Praying for each of you so that you.....(now you finish the sentence....)

Lisa